A little shopping inspiration

Last night I went out to dinner with a girlfriend of mine....and afterward we strolled along Robson St in Vancouver - a MECCA for clothing stores....everything from the Gap to Mexx, Guess, Tommy Hilfiger, LuluLemon, Zara, Bebe.... you get the idea.... and you might also appreciate that I never go in these stores because I cant wear their clothes... MY mecca consists of Old Navy (can get into an XXL if it's stretchy and can also wear some of their maternity clothes (GOD that's so sad!)), Penningtons, Additionelle, Cotton Ginny Plus and sometimes Walmart (but I hardly ever go there). I never go into other stores - I mean, why would I want to depress myself!?

Anyway, my friend, who is slim size 8-10, wanted to check out some of the sales at these stores and so I tagged along.

Now, I feel uncomfortable even walking into these stores because I feel like everyone's looking at me and wondering why I'm in there, and then I feel funny even looking at the clothes, because hey, who am I kidding?! So in the first couple of stores I didn't even look, I just sorta loitered around the front area pretending to look at things while my friend browsed. And then a funny thing happened.... we spent quite a while in a store called Zara, which I'd never gone into, and she was trying on coats and I started to actually LOOK and feel the clothes, and I started to feel excited! They were so beautiful, so fashionable, so cute, so sexy, nothing like how I would describe my current wardrobe. For my clothes, I'd use descriptors like Functional, Frumpy and Shapeless. Gee how fun and inspiring - no wonder I find it hard to feel good about myself!

Anyway, I actually had fun, but I also found myself thinking 'I would get this, oh and this, ohhhh and THIS'.... in fact I would have bought everything in there. And I couldn't believe that my friend wasn't buying everything - I mean SHE could FIT in all these clothes and she walked out with nothing. I had an overwhelming feeling that I would buy anything and everything I could fit into, and I guess it's because that's how it is right now - when I find something that I actually like, or that looks pretty or that fits well, I'm ecstatic, and I buy it because it's so RARE due to my limited choices.

I was surprised at how inspired I felt when I left... not depressed, but instead excited for the day that I will hopefully be able to shop in these fun *normal* stores and have thousands of beautiful, cute and sexy things to choose from. I won't know what to do with myself!!

I almost consider this a NSV as instead of going into a *I'm NEVER going to be thin enough to shop here* funk like I would in the past, my excitement showed me that I DO believe that I will reach my goals and I will be a fashionista one day :)

Hmmm.................I'd better start saving my pennies now!

Once upon a time a fat girl went curling.....

Last night I went curling!! I was asked by a friend of mine if I wanted to join a novice league on Sunday nights, and I agreed to try it out. Originally it was because he cornered me at a birthday party we were at on Saturday and was very convincing at how much fun it would be, and me, being someone who hates disappointing people, said yes. And then I spent the next 24 hours trying to figure out if I really DID want to go, or if I should try and blow it off.

I went. And I had a blast!!! I had never curled before, and didn't know what to expect, but I really loved it. I only knew one person (my friend) out of 24 people, which is always intimidating for me, but I sucked it up and was determined to have fun, or at least have fun learning a new sport. Plus, hey - it's activity, and I've been in dire need of that lately :)

On a fat-related note, my weight didn't factor into my decision to agree to go, in fact I didn't even think about being fat..... until I was driving to the rink. I was suddenly struck by the thought "What if I'm too fat to curl?" I mean I'd seen curlers on TV and when they were throwing the rock they were in this long lunge..... lunge?? I havent done anything close to a lunge in over 2 years! And all of a sudden, I was scared. What if I fell on the ice? (I didn't) ,What if I was the biggest person there? (I was), What if I couldn't do the lunge thing? (I could, although not as good as the chick in the picture!)...and wait, what about sweeping?? I recalled people running along with the rock sweeping agressively in front of it... oh god, what if I cant keep up with it?! (I did). And then I thought "well my friend wouldn't have asked me to play if he thought I was too fat would he??" hmmm.. maybe he hasn't noticed!!! haha.. I kid. But it's funny to me how much I project MY self-conscious fat thoughts into OTHER people's thoughts, when in reality I doubt he even gave it a thought. He likes me, knows I'm sociable, knows I like sports, and thought I'd be a good addition to the league. So thank you Russ.

It's amazing how much doubt crept into my thoughts about my ability and potential just because I'm fat. Until then, I hadn't even thought of these things, I had just thought 'I hope I have fun'.

I'm glad I didn't let my fear keep me from going as I would have missed out on a really fun opportunity, and I think I've found another sport that I love playing.... and I think I could be really good at it! Now I just hope I'll be able to climb stairs without wincing soon.... my thighs kill like an SOB - darn lunges :)

Waterslides anyone??!!

Today I disregarded my weight (would love to say 'forgot my weight', but that's pushing it!!) and went on all the water slides at the waterpark we went to today and had a blast. In doing so, I managed to overcome my fear of being told the following:

"Sorry, but you look like you exceed the weight limit on this slide" (dont know if slides HAVE weight limits, but I guess not since I'm sure I would have exceeded them. Regardless, as I stood in line to get on the slide, I had the thought that perhaps I would have to step on some giant scale before I sat (oh so gracefully of course) down on the top of the slide!! Thankfully there was no scale, and i just whooshed away :)

OR

"Sorry, but pregnant women cant go on the slides" (acckkkk I would have just died!!)

I also managed to get over the fear that I would generate a tsunami at the bottom of the slide and send the lifeguards splashing wildly out of their seats :) This of course is silly, but it entered my mind along with all the other fat-related thoughts, like: do fat people go faster on the slides? Felt like it :)

Today I didn't care that I was fat and just had fun with my family, and it was damn worth it!!! However, as usual, I long wait for the day when my weight has no bearing on what I do or how I feel about doing it.

Now I just have to make sure the video of me screaming like a crazy woman as I whipped down one of the slides doesn't make it onto Utube like my husband threatened... he's watched it at least 8 times, laughing hysterically :)

* UPDATED: video has now been watched countless times by all my inlaws and my husband's extended family. Since they only speak hebrew, I have no idea what they're saying after they finish laughing...I'm sure it's complimentary though, right?! ;)