June 28, 2007


I lost 5.5 pounds!! I am now in the 270's and pledge never to see the 280's again!

I found the week surprisingly easy. Maybe it's because my points target is 36, which feels so high... I actually had a couple of days when I was looking for something to eat to meet this target... and that was exciting because it means this really is doable. I went 10 points into my flex thanks to 2 extra pieces of pizza one night. It was too good to stop at 2, and since I hadn't touched my flex I thought I could indulge a bit. Nice to know that I can do this and still lose weight.

I was unable to exercise at all (cardio anyway) this past week because on Friday I dropped a frozen pizza on my big toe and it split my nail and I have been unable to walk properly all week. Just today it's starting to feel ok, so I hope to be able to put the old sneakers tomorrow and get back to my exercise routine. I'm a tad embarrassed about the whole thing - who knew the damage a Delissio pizza could do!!! I went to emergency on Sunday because I was worried about the nail coming off and I was the Drs first ever frozen pizza injury!! haha - funny - but god it hurt :(

I am excited to see if I will see a loss next week with this added exercise!

June 25, 2007

WW here I come!

So I finally caved and actually joined weight watchers online... i've been thinking that i could do it on my own using their guidelines (i've been a member a couple of times before both online and meetings) but also following guidelines I've gleaned from all the other *diets* I've tried. Either because they are a healthy nutritional additions or because they've helped me lose weight in the past.

Anyway, I spontaneously joined last Thursday when I weighed in a whopping 285 pounds. Couldn't believe it - had regained at least 7 pounds over the past month, and I just HAD IT. Thought I'd commit to the WW program whole heartedly for 3 months (that's what I joined up for) and if it doesn't work, then I'll try something else. What I think will work nicely is that it allows me to eat whatever I want as long as i am accountable for it in points (I'm doing flex). The problem I have with the weight loss program I had set up for myself is that it pretty much totally eliminated sugar from my diet. Although this strategy works VERY well for me - if I follow it, I lose weight quickly - it also means that if I eat any sort of sugar, I automatically consider myself a failure and give myself permission to eat whatever I want until I start fresh next week. That is the epitome of 'self-sabotaging' and I'm a pro!! The other way I sabotage myself is setting up unreal expectations and insist on following my program PERFECTLY.... both of which I ultimately am unable to meet, and when I don't, I am considered a failure, and go to my friend *FOOD* for comfort. The cycle is exhausting and so self-defeating (and self-fulfilling!). At least with WW I can eat sugar and anything else I want to as long as I count it. Perhaps down the line once I get my eating under control I will be able to incorporate the 'no sugar' concept and some of the other quite limiting restrictions that I wish I could do now.... mostly because they mean a healthier way of eating.

So, I digress. Today is my 5th day on WW. I picked Thursday mornings for my official weigh in as it takes away the pressure of weighing in on a Monday right after the weekend, and then I'm also weighing on Monday mornings just to check in and see if I'm on the right track. As of today, my 5th day, I weigh 280. I expected a rather larger loss in this first week as I can tell I've significantly lowered my calorie intake, so this is in line with what I thought I'd see. Hopefully it sticks and I'll see at least one more pound lost on Thursday's weigh-in. I expect to see smaller losses on subsequent weeks, however, it's nice to see that WW really does work!!!!!

My other VERY SCARY part of my new commitment is that I am going to get my husband to weigh me on Thursdays. I hope this will keep me feeling more accountable to stay onplan - sort of like going to a meeting! It's a very hard thing for me to do... at least at the onset because I'm just so embarrassed about the number. However, he already knows how much I weigh (THAT was one of the hardest *secrets* I've ever told!!!), so I know I should just get over it!!

Here's hoping to see the 170's on Thursday!

June 14, 2007


Here I am - recommitting... to the process, to my health, to my true inner *Leslie*. I need to give the voice who dominates so many of my thoughts a name I think... so that I can tell her to f*** off! Hmm that sounds like I'm schizophrenic or somthing doesn't it??!! But really I'm not, I just have this voice that seems to take over all decision making and has convinced me that I can't do it and am not even worth the effort! She's my gremlin... what shall I call her? I've thought about it a lot but haven't been able to come up with a name that can adequately explain everything she represents... she's so all-consuming. But there I go again - giving her so much power. Maybe I just need a simple name that carries no weight. Like 'Hey You' :) I'll think about that.

I will try my best to use this tool more effectively to help me along my way. It really does help hold myself accountable when I put things in writing.