WEEK 10 RESULTS!

So can I just say that I am THRILLED at my results this week.... 2.5 pounds since I last weighed in! If I could do a graceful cartwheel at my weight, I would! If you read regularly, you know that last week I did NOT post due to falling off the wagon HARD... however, I did my very best this week.... I kept within my points, and lost all the weight I gained and then some. I am now below my pre-vacation weight.. yay for me! Since last Thursday I have lost 6 pounds! Of course this is because it was basically like being on week 1 since it's been so long since I was onplan, but whatever, I'll take it!

On a side note, both Saturday and Monday were pretty bad days for eating and I used up all my flex on these 2 days PLUS 8 points, however I merely lowered my points by 4 on both Sunday and Tuesday to compensate, and voila.... lost weight.... sort of my own little version of the Wendie Plan! And this was all mostly done without any real exercise... but that's bad, gotta get back on THAT wagon this week!.

More (hopefully) *before* pics!!

OK. So ONCE again inspired by a very good friend of mine (you know who you are)... I'm being brave enough to post a couple of recent pictures of myself. These are from our trip to our cottage in Ontario at the begining of the month..... keep in mind that I would NEVER EVER EVER post these anywhere else because I can hardly even look at them. After getting home and downloading them, and once again feeling complete shock over how I look, I immediately concluded that every single picture would be filed under "BEFORE PICTURES"!!! The only way I can accept that this is the way I really look is that I have the dream of being able to look back on them after I've lost weight and be able to feel proud of how FAR I've come!!









I think that this is the cutest picture ever of everyone else!!! If I could have set it up myself, I woulda sat further down on the rock and more towards my husband!!! SO ridiculous how all I can ever think about is hiding my weight!

UGH. Nothing else to say .... UGH













My wonderful, fantastic, handsome husband.... who loves me no matter what I weigh... I am so grateful to have him in my life (I have a full body shot of this, but cant bring myself to post it!).

exciting times....

So, I just had to post because I'm so excited... I've been diligent with staying on plan this week so far, and have seen results on the scale (I do a mid-week weigh in on Mondays as a reality check). I was thinking this would happen as basically it's like I'm on week 1 due to being so off-plan for the last month, but it's exciting and motivating nonetheless. Can't wait to see what the all powerful and mighty scale says on Thursday!

MORE ON THE @#$%^ FAT SUIT

OK, I'm at the risk here of seeming like I just steal ideas from other peoples' blogs, but once again I was struck by the truthfulness of someone else's thoughts, and had to post them here, because I feel they ring so true and could perhaps help someone who reads my blog. She wrote:

"I was telling her (sis-in-law) about a recent trip I'd taken back to Seattle to visit my family... Every time I saw someone that I hadn't seen for a long time, all I could think about was how fat I was. I was just positive that they were noticing my largeness and thinking about how much weight I had gained. And maybe I was right. But that's not the point. The point is that my weight was keeping me from enjoying the people that I love and the things that I love to do. We talked about it some more and then my sister in law put it this way...

"I can never really be with people, because I'm always with my fat. When I see someone I love, I'm not thinking about them, I'm thinking about my fat and what they're thinking about my fat. When I do something that's fun, I'm thinking about how fat I look doing it... When someone hugs me, I'm not really thinking about hugging them, I'm thinking about how it must feel for them to hug my fat." She talked about a few other ways that she feels held back by her weight, and finally she said...

"I don't want to be with my fat anymore! I want to be with people!"

Wow. This resonated so much with me that I actually had a physical reaction to it. And like I told her, I hope I can somehow harness how incensed I am (at myself for holding myself back) and use it to light a fire under my butt!!

Check out Diet Coke & Zingers - she's awesome (and I'm still waiting to know what's behind the name!)

To fat chicks everywhere - TAKE OFF THE FAT SUIT AND START FULLY LIVING YOUR LIFE!!!

CAUTION: potential leg flinging hazard

I'm still giggling after writing a comment on Sonya's blog. It gave me such a ridiculous visual, that I had to write about it here.

She blogged about her NSV of losing enough weight to be able to cross her legs....

Now, being as overweight as I am, it is virtually impossible for me to cross my legs... at least not gracefully. As I raise my left leg to cross it over my right, my stomach gets in the way and I can only get it as far as getting my calf to rest on my knee. In order to get it further, I have to lift it with my left hand and pull it over with my right to get it past the knee. At that point, it is resting vicariously in this spot, and I have to sit there frozen hoping my leg doesn't suddenly fly off my knee and hit the person beside me. Obvioulsy none of this can be done inconspicuously, so I really never even try it.

ohhhhhh, the joys of being overweight!! If I really want to cross something, lucky me gets to sit with my ANKLES crossed like some schoolgirl. I find I always seem to have something crossed, if not lower body, then it's the arms or the hands... I know it's a self-conscious act - trying to make me look smaller or something.

Anyway, although the whole crossing my legs thing DOES make me laugh, cause it's just so ridiculous, it's really a sad state of affairs. Sonya, I hope to share your NSV one day!!!

PS Sonya, I hope it's ok that I linked to you?? If not, just let me know and I'll remove the link :)

Falling off the wagon hurts......

.....especially when the wagon backs up and rolls back and forth on you!

As you can see I am NOT posting my weigh in today. I just cant bring myself to weigh myself. Maybe I will later today. Really silly, as the whole point of this journey is to accept myself, triumphs and disappointments, and all. But I'm afraid if I see that number I just wont be able to get my oomph back.

*SIGH*... why is this so hard? correction, why do I make it so hard?? Why can't I follow through on this thing I want to achieve so badly sometimes I think I would do ANYTHING to achieve it?!! I'm the ONLY thing/person standing in the way of my success, and I just cant seem to get out of the way.

I had a cathartic cry last night because my weight is affecting so much of my life and preventing me from fully living it. My husbands feels it and wants me to be so much more happier, my kids don't feel too much effect from it yet, but soon will when it's obvious I'm not participating fully in their lives.... ie "why isn't mommy coming on the waterslides with us?" (**shudder at the image**) kind of stuff. I SOOOO wanted to have lost SOME weight before leaving for our trip to Israel to visit hubby's family. We leave in 2 weeks and we're going to be going to a resort for 5 days while we're there, and I'm now just dreading it instead of feeling excited about it because of this great big stupid fat coat I'm wearing.

I'm not sure how to get myself back ON the wagon again. I think the first step is just to stop making promises to myself. I don't believe myself anyway, so it's pretty much pointless!! I have to somehow prove to myself that I CAN do it, so that I can start believing in myself.

Anyway, BLAH. I'm sorry for my absence... I've been reading all your blogs this past week and just couldn't get motivated enough to blog myself. Actually, let's be honest - it's because I feel so embarrassed at how I've slipped. You're all extremely motivating, however, all you chickies who have unlocked your own secrets to success.... how I envy you!!!!

So I am recommitting. Sounds like I'm on my way to an insane asylum or something... which sadly feels quite appropriate - what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If my name was in the dictionary, I think this would be my definition!

Thanks Becks - for the big kick in the ass... I deserved and needed it :)

Ciao bellas ;)

WEEK 8 RESULTS!

So I'm back!!!! And I gained 1.5 pounds.... but whatever, I'm back, feeling good and have been working hard to get back on track. I'll be back to add more latah :)