April 14, 2007

gearing up...

... for our juice fast tomorrow... yikes! I'm actually quite excited about it, but Marius isn't... keeps moaning and groaning. I've been trying to figure out WHY I'm excited, and I think it's because I've felt so in *control* of my eating this week.... and waddaya know - I really enjoy it! Every single thing I've ever put into my mouth has been a choice... so essentially I accept that I have *chosen* to be fat. Most of the time I just feel so out of control of my eating and have such crazy cravings, that to feel at peace with that part of my life is unusual but wonderful. To choose not to eat anything is pretty huge (most people just look at us weird) but maybe (just maybe) this cleanse will help get my mind prepared for the next year of (hopefully) controlled eating. Maybe one day choosing to eat well won't be such a huge deal - hopefully it will be habit. And also, hopefully choosing to eat something not-so-great won't send me into a guilt-ridden tailspinned binge!!!!

We are planning to do some spring cleaning tomorrow (and napping when the kids are napping) so that we keep busy. We'll probably do said spring cleaning separately as I predict major crankiness :)

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