July 10, 2007

Crazy Food Mind Games

OK - I was just writing a comment on someone else's blog and as I was writing it I felt like laughing hysterically (and not necessarily in a good way). I thought I'd post what I was writing (and more!) here for the world to see. My version of *dirty food laundry*

I'm a food hider... hate hate hate that I do it. I'm sure my husband sometimes wonders WHY I'm overweight cause it sure doesn't LOOK like I eat junk.. but I do/did - he just didn't see it - cause I'm a professional. I would buy chocolate or something and tell myself i was buying it to share. HA... like I'm fooling anyone as I hid it under the grapes... the only one I'd be fooling is myself, as I wouldn't say it out loud....wouldn't want to confuse the 2 1/2 year old who might ask for it later and I'd have to scramble to make up someting to explain why she thought I'd bought chocolate!

If I have it in the house, I panic and HAVE to eat it now so that it's gone. So that I can start *fresh* tomorrow... I give myself the old *this will be my LAST chocolate until i'm skinny* promise :P Such a ridiculous thing to do as I would inevitably just buy something else the next day anyway cause of course my sugar addiction would kick in and I'd conveniently forget the promise I made to myself the day before. I have great selective memory when it comes to food. Anyway, I just can NOT have it in the house. It (and it could be anything - as long as it's not healthy!) calls to me - I can't rest til I have it. Sounds like an addiction to me!!!

I just read this over and feel that I sound like a crazy woman. *SIGH* I do feel like that sometimes. I've tried to explain it to my husband and although he's as supportive as a husband can be, I know he just can't understand it. My mission in life is that my daughter doesn't learn this behavior from me (I know I learned at least some of it from my mom).

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I know from reading other people's blogs that I'm not the only crazy woman out there. I also know from those who HAVE been successful at losing their fat that this is a life-long battle and not something that I will one day wake up not thinking about. I just hope that maybe one day I'll be able to have a bag of cookies in the house for my kids and not lie awake at night hearing them call my name (or worse eat too many of them and have to replace what I ate so that no one knows - Ok cant believe I just shared THAT dirty secret!!).

Ok - I'm done revealing for today. There's lots more, and maybe it IS good to write it all down for the world to see. maybe?


Ashley said...

I was cracking up reading your story. I think it is good to "air the dirty laundry" a little bit because it gets it off your chest. It does make me feel better that I'm not the only one smuggling the goods. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to laugh about it instead of eating a whole cake.

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Okay, you might be a little crazy, but we're ALL crazy with this food thing... At least YOUR crazy AND funny... and HONEST! You crack me up sistah.

Ro said...

I totally hear ya...I'm a food hider too! Well, when I lived with other people anyways. And my friends could never figure out why I wasn't slim as I appeared to be eating quite well...around them. It wasn't until I told my good friend what I was doing before I realized how 'crazy' it sounded. But we all have our food eating 'quirks'...good for you for seeing the humour in it. And who knows, it might help you by being so honest in your writing...it seems to be working for me :-)