Frustrated with myself

So this will be quick, cause I promised 'Morning Leslie' I would go to bed at 10pm.. and it's already 10:01pm.

So I weigh in tomorrow. I have been *good* all week - tracking what I've eaten, gotten out almost everyday for a walk (although walking with 2 kids under 3 doesn't really quantify as cardio as I seem to be stopping every 2 minutes or someone who walks 1km/hour decides she doesn't want to be in the stroller anymore), but hey, I got out there. Anyway I DIGRESS - god I get off track quickly.

I'm especially proud as my husband has been away since Sunday morning and usually I have used this as an excuse to go shopping for comfort food and junk and have a good ol' binge... under the guise of buying salad fixins and low-fat yogurt of course. I then hide all the proof and pretend it never happened... but i digress AGAIN.... this week I didn't do this, in fact I made sure that we did our grocery shopping TOGETHER before he left so I couldn't rationalize going to the store. Yay me.

And then today happened. I just had the hardest time keeping my eating controlled. I know it's me sabotaging myself. The day before weigh-in. WHY WHY WHY do I do this?? Maybe it's because I put so much pressure on myself. I woke up this morning saying "today I will be perfect" because I want to see a bigger loss tomorrow so badly! It seriously feels like there's someone else controlling my mind. I've had arguments in my head ALL day and I'm just exhausted. And sad cause I gave in to the destructive self-talk. And so now I'm scared for tomorrow. I really feel the need to see a loss or I'm afraid I will feel defeated and I know I will want to comfort myself with food.

Maybe tomorrow I'll see this in a new light... I'm just so angry and disappointed in myself for allowing today to happen. I'm going to have to work on some strategies to deal with this "sabotage the day before weigh-in" mentality I seem to have. There's something inside me that's out to prove to myself that I CANT do it.

So much for being short and sweet - as usual, a novel. And now it's 10:12pm. BED!